Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting. ~ Joyce Meyer  

I was so anxious about having a boyfriend and I set my sites on Shawn. Along with a handful of other girls. Every girl remembers her very first boyfriend.

Unwittingly, we look for a piece of our fathers in our partners, and that can be a great thing, and it can also go horribly awry.

All I could see was that Shawn was exactly what I wanted physically, he called me beautiful, people thought we were cute together, and he was the first guy to seem really into me that I liked back. Obviously, I was mostly with him because I sort of hated myself.

I’m really not trying to trash the guy even though he ignored me. He had some good traits: he liked to read a lot, and he had a nerdy sort of charm about him that was refreshingly different from that of the other guys.

Plus none of the other guys were interested in me.

I was crazy about Shawn. All of our flirting time was going well. And then he invited me to his house for a party.

I had waited patiently for weeks to get the invite.

Of course, he invited a hundred other people too.

Shawn lived in a big three story house down a long driveway away from the main road about a mile or two from my house.

His house was famous for parties with live bands, big backyard BBQ of roasted pig in a ground pit, open bar with no age limit, marijuana brownies, and his mother, Bess, was known as a “medium” and gave seances. There was no father.

Bess communicated with the dead and people came from all over California and Oregon to meet her. She served as a direct conduit between the living and the dearly departed without relying on cheesy parlor tricks.

I wanted to be there at the party and Shawn had a sister, Pam, just a year older than me. She is who I introduced to my parents, and then asked to spend the night at her house. Just a girls overnight I said.

No mention of a party of course.

Shawn was going to be my first boyfriend. I just knew it. I was so impatient. Shawn and I would be together for a very long time, sharing memories, doing all the couple things I’d wanted to do since I was a little girl, and living happily ever after.

Unfortunately, that fantasy would remain only in my head until I got what I call my first real boyfriend.

I wanted to rush into this boyfriend thing. As I now know, fools do this. I was impatient.

I know now that life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine… well, not unless you look for them in the right places.

The band was there when I arrived and they had people setting up their equipment on a small indoor stage.

It felt as if they were famous and all the girls were flaunting over them.

They were signing our bras and making out with girls in the bathrooms.

The bathroom was being locked for at least an hour and no-one was sure if people were having sex in there or if someone was passed out in a puddle of their own vomit.

Normally the latter.

I was ‘drunk enough’ after two sips of a drink to start smoking Marlborough’s. My first cigarette that night.

It made me feel older. I was a wimpy smoker.

People brought tents and sleeping bags and were setting up in the back yard to stay the night. Boys were taking girls into the tents. Ah, the romance.

I was absolutely terrified all night that if the noise got too loud the neighbors would call the police. They didn’t. They were at the party too. It was almost midnight and everyone was rummaging through the cupboards for snacks as they had been eating brownies and now had the munchies. Some girl had taken her top off and was prancing about in her bra, because OH EM GEE, so much sexiness. The boys loved it. I didn’t see Shawn almost all night.

He had his sights set on Becky.

Bess walked into the kitchen with a bottle of wine and was looking for a glass.

She seemed so sophisticated.

I sat awkwardly on the sofa unsure of what to do with myself. Bess asked me if I would like to join her séance. “Sure, perhaps you can contact my dead mother,” I said.

“Do you believe in ghosts, or spirits?” Bess asked.

“Yes, I know they exist,” I said.

We walked into a room in the middle of the house that was set up with four chairs around a round table and a place for Bess to sit on a beautiful dark green chair.

She set the mood by dimming the lights and lighting candles. She used three candles and lit incense. “Be patient everyone,” Bess said. And then said a prayer to call out the spirits. I patiently waited for a response from my mother.

“Ask a question, Doretta,” Bess said. I was taken aback that she knew my name.

That is the last thing I remember until I heard someone blow out the candles. Bess said a closing prayer and then people started standing up from their chairs.

Bess’s numerous attempts to contact my dead mother proved to be ineffective. She said that should my mother wish to contact me, she would find a way.

I was asked to be patient as it could be a moment or it could be many days until my mother contacted me.

I was spending the night and sleeping in Pam’s room. She had a room up on the third floor of the house in the corner. I wandered up and she was there listening to music. I stood in front of the mirror and combed my hair. It was long back then, about halfway down my back. I felt emotional and quiet. I climbed into the bed and we listened to music until I fell asleep.

Dealing with the death of a loved one can be difficult.

I know that the smallest message or sign from a loved one in spirit can mean the world.

Your loved ones in spirit have several ways to get messages to you, and their messages are subtle, so you may overlook or discount them when you don’t know what to look for. When your loved ones visit in a dream, it will feel peaceful and more real than a typical dream. Instead of just watching your dream like a movie, you’ll be able to control what you say and do. I was dreaming of my mother that night and I could hear her voice, yet no specific words.

In my dream my mother was smiling at me. Her eyes sparkled, and I felt filled with love and peace.

She waved to me as if to motion me over to her.

And then I woke up and saw her standing in the corner of the room. She was just letting me know that she was okay. I got scared, startled by seeing her, and ran over and turned on the bedroom lights. The lights started to flicker and woke up Pam. I know my mothers intention was to comfort me, and let me know she was ok… Not to freak me out and scare me.

When I told Pam what happened she said it was because I had been thinking of my mother earlier in the evening. “Most signs are subtle,” she said, and then turned back over and went to sleep.

My mother has come into my life several times. I was not scared the next time.

I welcome those who have passed on to visit me. And some have.

While your loved one can’t audibly speak to you, because they are a spiritual and not a physical being now, they are able to communicate with you telepathically, and they very well may directly communicate a message to you. Pay attention to the thoughts which just pop into your head when you’re doing something else as this is a common way in which you loved one may reach out. Especially when it sounds like something your loved one would say, or brings you a message of love, encouragement, or answers a question in a voice which does not sound like your own. You may also find yourself having a conversation in your mind with your deceased mother, grandmother, or friend.

When you ask them a question, and then receive a response, it’s highly likely that this is actually a message from them…

Another slight variation of this is when a certain song seems to start playing in your mind out of nowhere. Listen to the lyrics to tune into the message from spirit. The song may even play on the radio at just the right time. Your loved ones can use other people to deliver their messages too. You may overhear a bit of someone’s conversation, or someone in your life may be inspired (from beyond the physical) with a message of guidance or reassurance that is actually a message from your loved one in spirit.

You could even be thinking of your loved one right before noticing a bumper sticker on a car, which brings you a message. Yes, that has happened to me.

Signs from spirit bring the comfort of knowing we are not alone, and that the soul lives on…

When you feel like you’ve gotten a sign from your loved one, trust your gut feeling and take it as a validation that their soul and love lives on. Be patient.

“Trust the process. Your time is coming. Just do the work and the results will handle themselves.” Tony Gaskins


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